We over here at this undisclosed location, absolutely love red wine, honestly, it’s the best. If I could drink only red wine for the rest of my life I would do it. If I could only eat one thing for the rest of my life, it would be frozen red wine, if I could sign up for an IV drip of red wine where it replaced the actual blood flowing through my veins, I’d probably do it. Because then I’d be one step closer in life to fulfilling my ultimate goal of actually becoming a bottle of red wine.
Obviously, I’m joking, I’d like to be a winery not just a bottle. Strange jokes aside, all this talk of wine has got me awfully thirsty, and I will likely be heading off to bright wineries for a little pick me up. They’ve got just the most amazing wines with a lot of variety, if I could live there I would. So, head over there and enjoy the lovely wines. Shiraz, Merlot, Cabernet, they’ve got all the varieties that you and your insatiable thirst for novelty in inebriating liquids could ever ask for.
The benefits of red wine are as follows. First and foremost, red wine is rich in antioxidants. Anti-oxidants are the chemicals that stop the iron in your body from becoming rusty (I think… don’t quote me on that) but they’ve got a lot of them, and they’ve got all kinds of snazzy names like resveratrol, catechin, and epicatechin.
Red wine also reduces the chance of you getting some types of cancer such as basal cell cancer, colon cancer, and ovarian cancer. Scientists actually tested this out by putting some resveratrol on some cancer cells and they discovered that it obstructs the cancer from duplicating. Red wine saves lives guys. (Binge drinking is still definitely bad for you though).
Red wine also helps in keeping your memory sharp. This is due to the presence of the prior mentioned resveratrol (honestly that one chemical is doing so much of the heavy lifting). According to some studies, resveratrol blocks the formation of a specific type of protein called the beta-amyloid protein which is part of the plaque that plagues the brains of people with Alzheimer’s.
Now, this is the best part, the part I probably didn’t need to tell you about because you figured it out when you had your first red all those years ago. Red wine reduces the risk of depression. Yes, there was a study carried out on the middle-aged and the elderly and it showed that drinking just a little bit of alcohol a day kept the depresso demons away. To that I say, hooray.
Now I know this article basically marketed red wine as some kind of panacea, but all jokes aside, binge drinking will give you cancer, cirrhosis, make you gain weight, etc. Don’t be drinking more than a glass or two a day. But also, the poison is in the dose, so have fun.
